Brighter VibesHigh school is hard. Stress, disappointment, heartbreak, identity uncertainty: these are part of the experience. But some high schoolers are dealing with something that has moved beyond normal difficulty.
Anxiety in high school: what it looks like
Anxiety in high school often looks different from what parents expect:
- Perfectionism and fear of failure disproportionate to the stakes
- Avoidance of situations that trigger anxiety (refusing to present in class, missing school)
- Physical symptoms with no medical cause: headaches, stomach aches, sleep disruption
- Reassurance-seeking that provides only temporary relief
- Catastrophic thinking about the future, particularly around college
- Irritability and emotional reactivity (anxiety often presents as anger in teens)
Anxiety that is interfering with your teen's ability to function warrants professional support. The bar is not whether they are anxious. The bar is whether the anxiety is running their life.
Depression in high school: what to look for
Teenage depression often does not look like adult depression. Rather than obvious sadness, it may present as:
- Persistent irritability or anger
- Social withdrawal, including from close friends
- Drop in academic performance
- Loss of interest in things they previously cared about
- Sleeping significantly more or less than usual
- Dismissiveness about the future ("it doesn't matter anyway")
- Increased risk-taking behavior
If several of these are present for more than two weeks and are not lifting, your teen may need professional support.
Burnout
High school burnout is frequently missed because it looks like laziness or attitude problems. A burned-out student stops caring about things they previously cared about, becomes flat or cynical, and displays a kind of resignation that looks like defiance.
Burnout is the result of sustained stress without sufficient recovery. It needs rest, reduced pressure, and sometimes professional support.
Warning signs that require immediate action
The following require prompt action: call your pediatrician, a mental health professional, or 988:
- Any talk of suicide or not wanting to be alive, including indirect statements
- Self-harm of any kind
- Giving away valued possessions
- A sudden, unexplained calmness after a period of severe depression
If your teen says anything suggesting suicidal thinking, even indirectly, take it seriously. Contact your pediatrician, a mental health professional, or call or text 988. You do not need to be certain. It is always better to check.
How to get support without destroying trust
Be honest: "I've noticed things that are worrying me and I care about you too much to do nothing. I want to get you some support. I'm doing this with you, not to you."
Give them some control. Let them have input on the therapist. Commit to sticking with it even when it's uncomfortable.
And remember: the relationship you have with your teen is more important than any single decision. Teens who feel loved, even when they're angry about a decision, come back to that relationship. Stay in it.